People really like having other people in subservient positions. I'd even go as so far to say that the majority of the folks in the US have become so used to other people fetching our food and wiping our ass that it isn't even a second thought. I'm not saying its wrong, I'm just saying we should fuck with the system a bit... and no, I'm not talking about some liberating force that we should assemble to save the poor wretches in the trenches, I'm talking about social change on a more individual level. We don't run banner ads. Right now, I want you to save a waiter. Get in your car or walk down the street and walk into a McDonalds. Approach the counter as if you were going to order a McHamHock on McHymen Loaf. Right when the angry young work hound leans over the register, grab him/her around the chest and drag that poor soul the fuck out... all the while, cram warm tequila down the poor chap's throat. We make this shit. Bring the work-beast into your vehicle and drive (or drag) the person to the closest field or airport you can find. Keep vigil, and cram more and more Mexican Gold into their scared and sorrowed throat. When the customer service goon gets nice and loaded, start to call it names... piss the monster off as much as you can verbally (if you lack the sharp wit or intelligence to correctly piss off your find, simply act as annoying as possible... if the clerk is any smarter than you, they will quickly tire of your ignorant antics). We don't take requests. When they've had enough, kick them in the ass and send them on back to work. When they get there, their concerned colleagues will approach them with questions and befuddlement. As your ex-guest recites the happenings of his/her hours spent with you, everyone will smell the booze and insanity of what they say. That person will either be sent 

to a hospital via transport by police, or they will be fired on the spot. Either way, it works. Repeat these actions as much as possible... if every fast food outlet in your town shuts down because of a lack of sober employees or a fear of being the next target, then you've gotten the ball rolling. Nobody cares what you think. What will happen next will amaze you... hung-over business men will be unable to get the King Size MacFart Steak Buns and Sonic Sphincters that they're accustomed to receiving every morning... when they get to work, they'll be cranky and angry. A lack of food mixed in with their panging addiction to crystal meth will cause them to act sassy and bitchy at work. As the white collars get disgruntled, they'll send angry and violent porn-filled emails to all of the coworkers that they hate. The middle management will see these disruptive packets and fire the willowy, pasty suits. Its all a big joke. As the ex business folks are evicted from their cubicles, they will meet the drunken/drooling hamburger flippers mentioned earlier. The two groups will embrace each other and create a breed of offspring that maintain the uncanny ability to not hold a job. As more and more people are selectively created, productivity levels will drop from where they're at now to zero. The economy will burn like a sore penis, and looting will occur. While hell sees its day on earth, you'll be dragging more burger barn farmers from the hell that they live in. We will drink beer with you. You'll be the kinetic force behind this smart-as-ass plan. As the earth dies socially, you'll be stealing TV's (although the professional news organizations will have long since disbanded because of their inability to order lunch), and you'll steal socks because you can. Actually, you should steal socks anyway. Email Us Here.

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